Many people strive for different other things than happiness, such as purpose, so they find a purpose, which does not necessarily make you happier. Hence, the Bodhisattva travels around helping others or at least not being a burden to others, sacrificing him or herself in the place of others, no matter what the cost. Are they happy? Probably a lot of the time they are not. They probably have periods of time of great joy, and compassion and love are certainly great feelings to have. So, being kind in general has kept me from too many regrets these last few years. Of course, I am nothing like a Bodhisattva.
I am getting older. Sometimes I feel quite old, other times I feel younger but not quite young. Older people say I am still young. The late twenties are a time in which people begin to figure out certain aspects of life, like how to handle conflict. That, or they are a product of conflict, and simply react.
I have always felt quite old for some reason, and while I have experienced many things, most of them would not age you. I have always felt overly mature, even though I usually or used to feel an overall sense to not take anything or the world seriously, like everything is a game or something made for fun. I have been very mature, while acting silly – and trust me, it is possible. Very silly.
Also, if you smile when you are depressed, you might feel less depressed. See how difficult it is to smile when you are sad? It can seem impossible, pointless, out of character. It does not matter – your body registers you smiling and interprets that as things are better. It is not a trick so much as it is encouragement!
I often listen to music and relax and that is all, thinking of how I got where I am today. What if I gave up completely? Where will I be if I give up now? Where will I be if I try? Sometimes I do not know what I am thinking at all – when I decompress, when I just close my eyes and exist.
Mnemosyne by Memex, from alas, eden!