I have been debating as to how to promote Memex. Its not that I need or want more views, its I want to share something very important to me. So, paid advertisement has always turned me off, because it might get to the wrong audience, and besides that, youre not really working for it. Then again, I have worked for it – not overtime, its not my lifes work; Memex is a part of my life – more rather that I have spent thousands of hours on this project, and suddenly it seems like a project and something else also, like something that exists, like a thing, an object, a person? So, selling myself out using flashy buzz word titles and popular or unnecessarily evocative subject in images on youtube videos – especially sex used for the sole purpose of alluring someone, not necessarily for the purpose of the subject its meant to represent – turns me off also. See the lowercase ‘youtube’, its casual. Right.
Then again, I like to do things my way, which is usually someone else’s way that has worked. I like nuances, uniquely evocative images (usually meant to make someone think, think anything). The point is to get someone else whose not you, to feel how you feel. That will always fail – every time. Because we all feel differently, if only slightly, and how someone feels when they listen to music or watch a video or sit in a park alone eating a sandwich as the wind is soft and subtly warm with the sun glowing and rays like a sunflower erupt above green grass and the view of an ocean harbor, a steam boat in the distance and the faint grey arch of land out there somewhere; and you wonder, where is that, how far does that land go, maybe I should go there one day. Its a long way down but youve got a parachute and know how to walk. Now Im hungry.
Its basically inauthenticity that gets to me. You steal something, you make something because someone else wants to see it, not because you thought it was right or wanted to make it, borrowed ideas become basically what your work is based off of, or maybe you struggle with knowing how you are supposed to be, as though someone assigned you a behavioral trait line at birth. Maybe they did, maybe its not the one we think other people want us to have. Maybe its ours. I have suffered freedom, aged with ripe pears, walk through sandy marshes; I have dreamed a black dream and been slapped on the shoulder saying not leave my apartment. I am told something by myself consistently. It is kind of mysterious, kind of frustrating, trying to figure out what goes on in there. What am I missing? What do I need to protect? What do I need to do to serve people in the most humble and civil manner humanly possible? Its still okay to feed yourself. Of its five years, Ive never made any money from Memex. It is not a livelihood.
If you havent figured it out, something that exercises unity and empathy. Not necessarily the stereotypical or known good. A sort of personalized good, where you are the benefactor and the beneficiary, and it accommodates all of your weaknesses and encourages all of your falsehoods. I did not expect to write to this point, so basically, a lot of thought has been put into how to make Memex better, basically. How to promote it. Website, Soundcloud, YouTube, family, and all the rest. I cant pay for it. Memex could be vastly larger than it is now if I paid for attention. It just does not seem right. Hopefully I will find the right way to promote Memex, that accommodates both personal values like authenticity and virtue, and practical ones like paid advertisement will help. I will find something. In the meantime, listen to music. Listen to a lot of music.
Self-Descent with questionable imagery, Elfen Lied.