Discussion on Darkness, Expression, and Beauty

Discussion on Darkness, Expression, and Beauty

Fragments has Dreamwork, Hypnagogia has Surrender, and Medicine has Identity. I have yet to make a truly dark album for a year. The closest to one would be UNITY, based on a glitch style in both artwork and and and in sound. The time around Medicine was challenging – personal experiences were saying it was time to think seriously about the future. It was time to learn more about dignity and self-respect.

I did not previously have a great understanding of self-respect before Medicine. But the changes that occurred afterwards were profound. During its creation, I spent most of the day working on the details, upping that control, adding a filter here, assessing velocity, and so forth. As it is, Memex is part of a learning experience that has been ongoing since I really discovered music around 2006. Electric guitar was the preferred method of expression, and I would paint one eye black to convey a metal rock persona. Later it became steel string, and still later it was piano. Eventually, I settled on electronic music.

It is difficult to say where Memex will end up. I am hoping that Memex will, if for whatever reason having a static phase, remain something that can be returned to. It is, presently, something that can always be returned to. Whether that is Soundcloud, Spotify, YouTube, Bandcamp, or other established media hosting platforms. Considering I have been writing music for 12 years, and publishing it for 4 years, Memex will live on indefinitely.

The darkness fades eventually. Living in darkness is difficult almost all of the time. It tells you that it is safe, when you know it is not. Something such as conflict with someone else, can give the false comfort and perhaps pride, that you can win this conflict using means unkind. That is, when darkness is involved. Other times it is giving up on your ideals because they seem so impossible to reach and trying seems pointless.

It takes something besides ourselves to exit darkness. Someone or something has to be there to assist, and perhaps many do not have the capacity to let you out of the dark. Eventually, once there is hopelessness, and despair incurs respectively, the decision must be made, an ultimatum: To fade into the darkness, or to join in the challenge called humanity.

The decision to express darkness must be done knowing the long-term consequences and fully understanding how you might live with them later on. Artistic modes, not only musically speaking, can often be relieving expressions of feelings and thoughts which cannot otherwise be easily expressed. I have learned that, once a song is released, that unique mode of expression is finished, it is done, there is nothing left to do; and sometimes I wish later that there was some way it could be improved, or I wish I had waited longer post-production to see what other ideas would emerge.

Writing fiction, poetry, and prose have been close friends with music. I cannot say I am great at any of them, only that my dedication towards improving the lives of people struggling with any affliction physical or personal, through these means, is serious. I take writing and music seriously because I take people seriously. Still, music can be very playful, in almost any genre. The seriousness of creating something is relinquished by periodic excitement when the right sound is discovered, or the final product seems perfect.

It is about relinquishing darkness. Darkness can seem very beautiful, and by seeming, in a way it is. Despair is not beautiful, although there can be beautiful aspects: the person, certain things they say, what comforts them, what draws them close to someone else, if they have someone else. Beauty is complex, and yet can seem very difficult. Complex because for many, it can seem like a long way to reach the experience. I have personally always appreciated the beauty of nature, and that has given me repose from darkness in the past.

I have never really wanted to make music that was like other people’s. A lot of it is similar, if only because it is in the same genre. Do I want to go big on percussion every time, when there is merit in the song itself? The kick is arguably the most important part of percussion, and at times, the song. It is probably this decision to avoid convention that has both been of benefit and been a detriment. In any case, I am hoping this ending can be the ending that compliments the article best.



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