I tried to help people. It seems that everything has an end that sometimes never really ends. What happens in life stays with you. I found some of the greatest beauty in the darkest of times. The beauty – we look for more, and when we get it, hope it never ends. To be looking means we had lost something. I feel closer to where I am best fit. My full potential may never fully be realized. Often times, the greatest ideas come from the most simple origin. An origin so simple that it holds in it a sort of summary of something much greater. Sometimes I see people express that thought. It can be a word, a sentence, a handshake, body language, or a lack thereof.
We pick up things from our environment, and sometimes never want them to end. All of my attempts at relationships have ended with a change of heart – not of love – but, the way my love manifested changed. It changed to kindness, compassion. I do not know how that resonated, although perhaps not well in some. It changed, and what I wanted originally became something I knew I was originally. I wish I could love people like that even when they are not hurt. Why? Because love is the most powerful feeling. One of them. I have found that there is a greater benefit to feelings like that – those that come from a desire to help others, even in the face of great failure.
I have thought that I was alone many times. It turns out that there is always someone who would love you exactly where you are in life – and sometimes finding those people is obvious and difficult. We all have blindsights: Those corners of vision we cannot see, even though everything looks fine. There are dangers in that. Other times, something precious is there. I am learning to love myself, to understand myself. We are the only people who we will always know will always be with.